Sometimes in life, you’ll come across people who are sincere and genuine. Other times, more often than not, you just get f%C&3d in every sense of the word. That’s how it’s been for me at least. So what is it like to feel again when you let your guard down enough to feel?
In the beginning, it’s like this: I’m infatuated. I feel his hand. I feel connected to him when I hold it. I feel happy when we walk; I walk-bounce and he walk-dances next to me. I feel safe and happy and calm when I wake up with him in the morning. I feel intrigued about what his body has lived through when I look at him and touch him. I like seeing his face and kissing it until he opens his eyes. I feel understanding and reassurance. He makes me feel confidence. I feel respected. I feel curious. I Feel attentive. I want to know what runs through his mind, his passions, secrets, and what he does. I feel like I want to clean up after him. Care a little bit more. Do nice things. I feel attracted to him. The way he walks, his style, his eyes, the way he talks. I feel like I smile a little bit more or more real. I feel like he’s kind of sweet. I feel like it’s kind of cute when he picks me up. I feel like we’re kind of cute together. Especially at Starbucks. Denny’s too. Lincoln Road. I’m Crazy About You! Bookstores and night clubs. Or just at Whole Foods. I feel pretty. (But it’s because I think he’s pretty). I feel vulnerable. I feel like I worry too much. So I won’t and say how I feel anyway. I’ll give myself to my heart’s desire. Sometimes, to the point where I run into a brick wall.
Face it, the emotion of hope is killer and when your find out your special someone is leaving you hanging when your heart is still aflutter, it can really weigh you down. Everyone has dreams, but if you are not walking on the same path, it is foolish to keep your partner in yours and emotions become a danger zone. Once the love evaporates, then what?
Relationships are the steps making up the endless winding staircase of our consciousness. Every interaction we encounter, for better or worse, either platonic or romantic, allows us to learn more about who we are and what we really want to fill our time with. The end game is this: you can never be too grateful. What I mean by that is, once you accept something as status quo, you become complacent. It is good to want more. Not in the sense that you should be driven by chronic dissatisfaction but in the sense that money is money. Your job is your job. Your life-the adventure of your life-is all that you really have. When you are in a relationship, it is easy to get comfortable with routine. The minute a fruit is perfectly ripe marks the minute it begins to rot. Just toss it out. Or with lots of patience, it becomes an opulent, fine wine.
If you’ve decided upon tossing out your rotten orange, return to planting more seeds to later reap the fruits of your labor. Become prolific in your work. Tune into yourself and continue to grow. You may not have any more of your heart left to give. So take a rain check, get a gift receipt, and a good sale is sure to come again later. I’m a hopeful romantic. One of these days, love will call and I will say “Hello there. Where have you been all my life?” (And, of course, we’ll enjoy that lifelong adventure in perfect company.)
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